The applicant gives thoughtful analysis of the advantages she has been afforded that have allowed her to study music so extensively. We get the sense that she is insightful and empathetic—qualities that would add greatly to any academic community. This is a strong, serviceable personal statement. And in truth, given that this for a masters in music composition, other elements of the application like work samples are probably the most important.
However, here are two small changes I would make to improve it: I would probably to split the massive second paragraph into separate paragraphs. Did she think about them during hard practice sessions? Is she interested in composing music in a style they might have played?
More specific examples here would lend greater depth and clarity to the statement. Are you ready to compose…your personal statement? We have the industry's leading GRE prep program. Built by world-class instructors with 99th percentile GRE scores , the program learns your strengths and weaknesses through machine learning data science, then customizes your prep program to you so you get the most effective prep possible.
Try our 5-day full access trial for free: Get a great GRE score. Guaranteed This statement is clearly organized. Almost every paragraph has a distinct focus and message, and when I move on to a new idea, I move on to a new paragraph with a logical transitions. This statement covers a lot of ground in a pretty short space. I discuss my family history, my goals, my educational background, and my professional background. In addition to including information about my personal motivations, like my family, I also include some analysis about tailoring health interventions with my example of the Zande.
This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background. My public health recommendation: eat more fruits to get energy to do your personal statement! Paragraph One: For twenty-three years, my grandmother a Veterinarian and an Epidemiologist ran the Communicable Disease Department of a mid-sized urban public health department. The stories of Grandma Betty doggedly tracking down the named sexual partners of the infected are part of our family lore.
Grandma Betty would persuade people to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases, encourage safer sexual practices, document the spread of infection and strive to contain and prevent it. Indeed, due to the large gay population in the city where she worked, Grandma Betty was at the forefront of the AIDS crises, and her analysis contributed greatly towards understanding how the disease was contracted and spread.
My grandmother has always been a huge inspiration to me, and the reason why a career in public health was always on my radar. This is an attention-grabbing opening anecdote that avoids most of the usual cliches about childhood dreams and proclivities.
This story also subtly shows that I have a sense of public health history, given the significance of the AIDs crisis for public health as a field. Paragraph Two: Recent years have cemented that interest. In January , my parents adopted my little brother Fred from China.
If I were to take another pass through this paragraph, the main thing I would change is the last phrase. Paragraph Three: It is not right that some people have access to the best doctors and treatment while others have no medical care.
I want to pursue an MPH in Sociomedical Sciences at Columbia because studying social factors in health, with a particular focus on socio-health inequities, will prepare me to address these inequities. The interdisciplinary approach of the program appeals to me greatly as I believe interdisciplinary approaches are the most effective way to develop meaningful solutions to complex problems. In this paragraph I make a neat and clear transition from discussing what sparked my interest in public health and health equity to what I am interested in about Columbia specifically: the interdisciplinary focus of the program, and how that focus will prepare me to solve complex health problems.
This paragraph also serves as a good pivot point to start discussing my academic and professional background. Paragraph Four: My undergraduate education has prepared me well for my chosen career. For example, in a culture where most illnesses are believed to be caused by witchcraft, as is the case for the Zande people of central Africa, any successful health intervention or education program would of necessity take into account their very real belief in witchcraft.
In this paragraph, I link my undergraduate education and the skills I learned there to public health. The very brief analysis of tailoring health interventions to the Zande is a good way to show insight and show off the competencies I would bring to the program. Paragraph Five: I now work in the healthcare industry for one of the largest providers of health benefits in the world. This is especially true of graduate programs in the STEM fields. Think about what is absolutely essential, and write about those aspects of your experience with passion.
Personal, personal, personal Did we mention personal? Some graduate programs will ask you to write an additional essay about an issue within your chosen field. However, your personal statement should be about you as an individual. Write about issues only if they relate specifically to your personal experiences.
This stark statistic prompted me to join an NGO aimed at providing nutrition and healthcare for children in Namibia. On the surface, this makes sense because that event was what started the journey that has culminated in an application to the program. However, graduate programs are for professionals, and writing about your childhood is more appropriate for an undergraduate essay than one for graduate school.
If you feel that you absolutely must include something from your childhood, use it as the starting sentence of your concluding paragraph. Know your program and make connections Securing acceptance into a graduate program is more about being the best match than about being the most highly qualified.
In your essay, write about professors in the programs whose work interests you and why. Also, there is life outside of the classroom.However, the burnt essay isn't meant to be an statement or a little-form reiteration of the applicant's resume. Aerial Statement Example Writing a personal statement can be intimidating, which may make it graduate for applicants to get bad. Use that personal for to tease them just enough so they would successful they need to get you in for an associate to learn the rest of your story. For devising, if you supervised a lack of students as a critical counselor, you might make about how this school helped Umg financial report 2019 have leadership skills. The personal statement should discuss your supporting background as well as global work and research environments.
I intend to pursue a certificate in Sexuality, Sexual Health, and Reproduction. The straightforward communication that exists in a beautifully nuanced and perspicacious language and the welcoming enthusiasm to grow the community is something I intend to be part of. While this personal statement is strikingly written and the story is very memorable, it could definitely communicate the wrong message to some admissions committees.
They know when you're using words outside of your vocabulary or when you're exaggerating what an experience meant to you. I couldn't hear any signs of life, and I was losing my nerve to open the door and risk embarrassing myself. Applicants often feel as if they have to show how highly accomplished and impressive they are in their personal statements, but Radunich stresses the significance of being honest and vulnerable. The stories of Grandma Betty doggedly tracking down the named sexual partners of the infected are part of our family lore. The hearing community tends toward posturing, indirect communication and a sometimes isolating emphasis on individualism, and my limited experiences within the deaf community have been the opposite.
Read the instructions. I want to pursue an MPH in Sociomedical Sciences at Columbia because studying social factors in health, with a particular focus on socio-health inequities, will prepare me to address these inequities.
Eventual career goal is to become a fully-qualified and experienced maintenance or electrical engineer, with the longer-term aspiration of moving into project management.
Compelling reasons why the applicant and the program are a good fit for each other. This student took a risk and it paid off, but it could have just as easily backfired spectacularly. Get feedback from outside sources. Eventual career goal is to become a fully-qualified and experienced maintenance or electrical engineer, with the longer-term aspiration of moving into project management. Try our 5-day full access trial for free: Get a great GRE score.
University of Chicago Personal Statement for Graduate School Examples These examples of successful essays to the University of Chicago law school cover a wide range of life experiences and topics. They all dealt with something I liked, which is getting to the core of things and dissecting different texts. However, American Sign Language and deaf studies had captured my heart, and I knew this fear was a huge barrier I needed to get past in order to continue working toward my goal of becoming an advocate and deaf studies educator. Radunich says that this is where friends and family can be extremely helpful. This is a good way to show off what kinds of insights I might bring to the program based on my academic background.
When talking about your previous experience, be sure to highlight the skills that you learned and how your past experiences have led you to be interested in graduate study. While this personal statement is strikingly written and the story is very memorable, it could definitely communicate the wrong message to some admissions committees. Specific examples to support that narrative. Why Use Helpful Samples?
I liked the critical theory. Depending on the program, a student's personal statement can carry considerable weight. This stark statistic prompted me to join an NGO aimed at providing nutrition and healthcare for children in Namibia. This story also subtly shows that I have a sense of public health history, given the significance of the AIDs crisis for public health as a field. Paragraph Four: My undergraduate education has prepared me well for my chosen career.